Dear online player, this is an open letter for you.

I believe I share the opinion with many others; however, this time I will, as always, talk from my experience. I´ll admit, it´s partly because I want to explain what a quality conversation is, once and for all, and partly because this way I will always have a reply ready when needed – and I´ll probably get some extra clicks with it, too. I am aware I will probably become a ˝like-digger˝ after they read this post for most. Yes, the era of ˝gold diggers˝ is over, here come the ˝like-diggers˝. Isn´t it sad? Likes can´t get me a visit to the salon, nor a luxurious traveling experience!

So, let´s get straight into the tips, thoughts and the reason behind this blog post.

As a female (I am sure it is the same with the opposite sex; however, I can only speak from my perspective and the last time I checked, I am still a woman) that decided to share her life publicly I have come to terms with inboxes full of messages. I came to terms with perverted, disgusting and too picturesque comments years ago after being in the modeling industry so I won´t touch up on that part; however, I can imagine single models really don´t have a hard time finding their dream guy in their DM´s. Since starting my online journey I have managed to split the players into a couple of categories which I decided to share with you today. If you recognize yourself in any of the categories I suggest further reading the tips.

1. TIRELESS POLLY
We´ve all encountered him. An extremely polite guy that never lets a birthday slip buy unnoticed and that makes any holiday brighter with a ˝unique˝ GIF or photo with a ˝never before heard˝ quote. He´s a eternal romantic that knows a real woman will sense his soft side and appreciate a fine online rose bouquet. Being noticed and appreciated – what every woman wants, right?

Dear tireless polly, you have my respect. I respect how you´re more engaged in my life than even our grandmom´s and I also respect your Google skills, how you always manage to find the most cheesy pic on the web. I respect how you always think of me and how you´re always among the first in my inbox. However, dear tireless polly I have a few tips. It seems obvious you took some time for me and that you regularly check my Facebook birthday reminders, but I still wish you wouldn´t spend your time and effort on just anyone and anything. I believe (ha, I guess I´m also a hopeless romantic), there is a woman (or a man) coming your way that would appreciate your effort, understand all your sweet words and want to share all of her highlights with you. Anyway, dear Tireless Polly, believe me, a woman like is not on Facebook, she rather spends her time with the people she loves. A woman like that will see the cliche photo and think she´s just one of the many recipients. The message will be ignored. Dear Tireless Polly if you want to find true love, look within yourself. True love does not require cheesy messages and daily reminders. True love does not fall for cliches, true love just is. Dear Tireless Polly, find someone your own age.


2. EVERYDAY PLAYER
For the last three or more year you, as my dear Tiredless Polly have been a constant in my inbox. You think of me everyday and you always let me know I matter. Every day is a new start from you, because every day you just know this will be your day. Dear Everyday Player, where can I get your consistency? With a simple ˝hey˝, ˝hello˝, ˝you´re beautiful˝, ˝hey pretty˝, ˝good night˝ etc. you let me know you´re still there, waiting on me, you let me know I am the first and the last thought and you let me know your day is made with a simple ˝seen˝.

Dear Everyday Player, thank you. Thank you, for being there in my darkest times, giving me hope, showing me what persistence really is, thank you for being a teacher. Dear Everyday Player it´s obvious you invested quite some time in me and I respect that. I love how you guarantee at least one daily message in my inbox and with that show poor little Aleksandra the light. You let me know I am not alone in the would, there is always one more soul out there, my Everyday Player. Dear Everyday I have some tips for you, too. It´s more than obvious you see something more in me, you want my attention and maybe you just don´t know how to make the right approach. Let me help you. Dear Everyday Player, the time you invested in me is valuable and I feel bad for always ignoring your messages. I get quite a few similar messages every day and I rarely reply. You know if you really want my attention you´re gonna have to step it up a bit and do more than write ˝hey˝ 15 times a day. You´ll have to grab my attention. My schedule´s quite full and with all of it going on I really don´t have the time for small talk. I love depth, I feed of of it. I love talking about things that touch me, that provoke my thoughts and that feed my mind. It is because of this, dear Everyday Player, I suggest the next time you slide into my profile, learn more about what I do, what are my interests and give me some feedback. You´ll grab my attention much quicker and I am sure you won´t be left on ˝seen˝. The time you have invested in me by now is highly appreciated, but I am sure you could spare me a couple of minutes to look past my profile picture and actually learn something about me, who knows, maybe we´re not even compatible, maybe I would get on your nerves after the first five minutes! Dear Everyday Player, I see great potential in you, I just wish you would focus your energy from quantity to quality.


3. EXPLICIT LOVER
The wildest of them all! He has no time for small talk, nor pleasantry greetings, he´s not wasting time, he knows exactly what he wants. He searches until he gets it, but he never lasts long. He comes and goes and leaves behind (in most cases not such) a large trace. Yes ladies, Explicit Lover is not a man you´d want to introduce to your parents. Explicit lover has no time for visits or kisses, Explicit Lover (later EL) needs you now.

Dear EL, I appreciate the fact you are comfortable in your body and I respect you. I bet it was quite a challenge to Google pictures of magnificent manhood’s, since you yourself are a real man; however I still have some bad news for you or a tip. Shocking, but still quite logical if you think about it, women are not wired the same way men are. We don´t get turned on by the same things and we are not familiar with male ego, nor how delicate it is. So, if you don´t want to get yours crushed, I suggest you leave some room for mystery, for excitement. Don´t flaunt it all. I respect you know what you want and I know it works sometimes; however, I still have a tip for you. You know, us women, we don´t really get off by your d**k, which, if I do say so myself, looks more like a sad, hairy face, we get off by words, thoughts. I challenge you to play with a woman´s imagination the next time you get a chance, to show her her value, tell her what she does to you and I can guarantee her blushing cheeks will show how it works. Most of us outgrew times when all a man had to do was hit a woman by the head and drag her into his cave and I want to stress the fact that 50 Shades got it´s success not because of the wet seats after the main actor showed his c**k (I doubt he even did, IDK, haven´t seen the movie), but the fact he was a challenge, untouchable, he represented power, which you, sliding in my DM´s, don´t. Us women, we are sensitive beings. We don´t get aroused by looking at your stiff c**k if you didn´t cause goosebumps before. If our spine didn´t curve when hearing your voice and if the whisper in our ear didn´t cause a few deeper breaths. Dear EL, I admire you, I admire your courageousness, but I truly wish you would use it in your everyday life. I wish you would use it for great personal achievements and I guarantee that would make the whole process of looking for your next (sexual) partner a whole lot easier. Invest in yourself, make yourself happy, get to know yourself and let yourself live – there has not been a d**k in the world as sexi as a man pleased with who he is and with some mystery about him (and no, not hiding behind a key board). Leave something for the imagination (and please, don´t let it be the face).

4. ALWAYS HOLDING A GRUDGE
Although a dying species, he´s the one that made me start writing this in the first place. The guy that seems to hold a grudge against the world. The man that´s been through a lot, full of battle wounds and does not allow himself to feel. The man that rather hates than loves. The man who cannot stand being left on ˝seen˝ no matter how busy or unavailable you are at the moment. He´s nothing to joke around with. A man. Ha.

Dear always holding a grudge man (sorry for not finding a better sounding name to describe you, Slovene just makes it easier). Hello, I´m Aleksandra. Nice to meet you. Now we can get to the point. I´ve seen your message, I´ve seen how the aggression was escalating and I´ve felt your pain.
˝You know, I´m in the car and I don´t text and d…˝
Ohh, you´re sending me there?
˝But we just met..˝
What!? I´m a self centered b***h, that has no time for honest and loyal men like you.
˝Dude, chill..˝
Ohh, you were just one of many, a part time man, someone to make fun of, ok.

All righty then. Tell me, dear Always Holding a Grudge Man, how may I help you? Or, how can I help you learn to help yourself? Who hurt you so much and why don´t you just forgive (yourself)? Dear, we´ve just met. I don´t know who you are nor what you do. All I can tell by the few words we´ve exchanged is that you are aggressive, not ready to love and would bring drama into my life. Now tell me, without playing the victim card, would you want someone like that entering your life? Dear Grudge man, I get you, I´ve been heart broken before and I know the pain. But I don´t let it stop or control me. I don´t let an old wound cause me pain now. I´m learning to grow, to open myself up to people and dear, I hear you. But I also have a life of my own, a life I love which I don´t want to waste on you, a notification, a red sign, dear. Your words do not affect me, I´m affected by an honest, vulnerable, quality conversations. I´m affected by intellect and not sheer flattering. I´m moved by honesty, vulnerability. I´m put off by your defense mechanism. Dear Always Holding A Grudge Man. I have no tips for you, just an honest wish. I wish you find yourself, your joy, your happiness, your peace. I wish you discover the person before the pain and let life guide you. Dear Always Holding a Grudge Man, I believe you to be so much more than a victim of life.


5. TAKEN ROMEO
A knight in shinning armor, the man that knows exactly what to say and when to say it. The man that knows how to make you smile and get you to bed with him. The perfect one, the one that makes you fantasize about your future, family and kids. The man that hid his girlfriend/fiancee/wife so good, Snowman would be jealous. That´s right ladies, we´ve all met a Taken Romeo at some point in our lives. With a perfect (in most cases a bit older) man. A man that knows exactly what he wants, exhales confidence, without a trace of arogance, a man that takes care of his future and makes you feel safe, at home. A man, that already has a woman.

Dear Taken Romeo, you are perfect. You always make my knees weak and you always leave me speechless. Your charm takes my breath away and it makes me forget about your (100&) better half. Dear Romeo, thank you. Thank you for making my standards that much higher, thank you for teaching me what to expect from a man. And dear Romeo, thank you for showing me what never to allow in my life. You are perfect my dear Romeo. I have no other tip for you than to tell you to stay out of my inbox. And not just mine. Stay out of the inboxes of friends, future lovers or old flings. Stay where you are, appreciate the person next to you and give her what you would give me. I´m sure, dear Romeo, you soon won´t need what you where looking for once you become what you were with me. I know, betrayal is not betrayal in your mind, it´s the result of the collective consciousness, movies and love stories, I know. You´ve told me that a hundred times. But still, dear Romeo, stay where you are. Become what you really are, what you show us, naive girls, you are and trust me, you will never have to search again. The person next to you will bloom, how we bloomed when we were with you, she will give you what you want, because you will be ready to receive it, she will give you freedom, because she will know she´s got nothing to lose. Dear Romeo, you will always have a special place in my heart, I´m just sorry it will be next to her. Give her the respect you were pretending to give me, spoil her with truth, make time for her like you made time for me. Spoil her, like you spoiled me, flatter her, like you flattered me, give her strength, like you gave it to me. Dear Romeo, you have a real gem next to you, don´t throw it away for a few minutes in my inbox.

Photo: Ana Sajovic Photography
Ear warmers: Pahulyiova Lucia
Shirt: Kokola